Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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