Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
