Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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