I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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