Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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