you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
