so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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