Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
