I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
