So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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