the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
