She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
