woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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