..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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