Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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