she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
