just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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