I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
