Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
