my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am midnight drunk by noon
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He passed out mid-signature
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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