epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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