I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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