His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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