We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
