There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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