he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
last night I used snow as a chaser
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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