how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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