sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
