gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
