yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
