I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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