1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize