i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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