i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
