I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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