I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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