I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize