I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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