You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
