So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
