dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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