Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
