i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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