I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
