I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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