What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I deserve this hangover.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
