I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
