Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
