I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
