His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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