They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
