Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
