cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
