Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
