Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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