Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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