know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
