my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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