I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
