Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my poor anus
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
