I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
