I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
