I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
