he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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