Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
