Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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