so that wasnt chicken after all
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
