i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
